Please, Come Get Me Out Of Here

DNF. Runners know the term and many dread it. Even the race director doesn't like to say it when he is giving a trail report before a big run. Three simple letters that can strike fear into any tough heart. DNF. I have a shirt that says "Death Before DNF" I never thought I would issue the words "I'm done". But I did. And this is how my decline into the depths of hell and depression started.

I was so ready. I was so excited. I had trained. I had eaten all the right things. I even remembered to pray. I arrived in Bandera ready to "Give 'em hell" as my dad had instructed me to do. Jeremy Day, a very young ultra runner bad ass had told me he would drag me through all 62 miles of the course. He knew from past conversations, a year ago, that I didn't want to be alone in the dark out there. He slowed way down for me and gave up an opportunity to compete in the USATF Championship to get me thru this race. He is a champion to me.

We made it through the first 50K without too much trouble. My left foot had started hurting right after the first aid station, which was about 5 miles in to the day. I took Tylenol at mile 17 and it began to feel better by the next five miles. Jeremy informed me I was taking too long at the aid stations but he forgets I'm 20 years older than he is. I need potty breaks and I just don't move like lightning anymore. But I was slowing down.

When we weren't more than 2 or 3 miles from the 48 mile aid station I began to get a really sharp pain in my left hip. My foot had gone from achy to really painful to burning. I was thinking about RR100 in four weeks. Wondering if I plodded on through if my foot would recover in time. I was getting really cold and that made everything worse. I ran all day in the bright sunshine and heat with no problems. I don't do cold. At all. I also began to get really sleepy. Not a little sleepy but the kind of sleepy that if you put your head down you don't remember anything until the morning sleepy. That should have been a sign for me that my blood sugar was dropping along with my temp. But I couldn't really think anymore and at that point I didn't care anymore. Maybe if I could have gotten my sugar and my temperature up I would have felt better and continued. But as it was, I sat down at the aid station, looked at Jeremy and said "I'm done". I called Jack and talked to him for a few minutes. He thought it was best for me to drop. He knows me well enough that even if he isn't there, he can tell when I should call it a day.

Reece Catron was crewing for us. He had dropped earlier in the day due to an ankle injury. He told me I was walking like him. He took such good care of me. I should have hugged his neck. Jeremy went on to finish and Reece took me back to the Dude Ranch so I could shower, get warm and wallow in my own self pity. All alone for a few hours.

Sunday I woke up and went to Mass in Bandera but all I could think was, I quit. I sunk into such a depressive mood. I was sure I would need to pull out of RR100. I was also even questioning if I should continue running. Then several good things happened. My husband reminded me that running 50 miles at Bandera is like running 100 miles anywhere else. He also reminded me that not a whole lot of people are running the distances that I run. Then I heard from Kerry. She always lifts my spirits. Always.

Then my friend Corina sent this little note to me after she found out I had DNFd my first 100K run:

Frunner Code: We may have met because of running, but it's not why we're friends. You are an amazing inspirational woman and that doesn't change with a buckle. Much love, -c

Then she sent me this amazing video and told me she thought of me when she heard this song today. What a great refrain!

On my feet I walk, with my legs I run
In my arms I'll hold another day
With my head I think, from my heart I sing
And with my hand to my face I pray

The UPS man just delivered a brand new pair of running shoes to me today. So many signs to keep going on. Someone told me to take a day and wallow in my pity, then get up and go on. I cleaned my fridge today, baked and watched a movie. Yes my foot still hurts, but not as much. No I didn't earn another belt buckle but I did learn a lot. I'm not made of steel and I will try again. Chin up!

Until Next Time...Keep Running